Leaving the Table when You Have Had Enough

Tue, 01/21/2025 - 13:28

The democratic process is tough. We have seen that over the last eight years, and we are in for another four where it will be even tougher. There are forces that undermine our hard-won democracy and it is crumbling. And I know and you know that finding middle ground, compromising, settling, mediating, are the bricks and mortar that hold our democracy together. But there has to be agreement on how we use them.

In my former working life, I was a union organizer, labor representative, negotiator, and administrator. I know how all of that works, and how some of it never works. I know when it is time to stay at the table and hammer out agreements. I also know when it is time to meet informally with the other side to have coffee or a drink and talk about the realities (off the record) of what each side can give or concede. It is never an easy process. But what I also know is that sometimes you have to walk away from the table, take all your notes, and leave the room. And sometimes you slam the door on your way out.

Once you realize there is no more room for talk, there has to be action. What will it be? Will you “work to rule” and strictly according to the contract you have in place? That’s one way to move the conversation. Maybe you’ll choose to actually take those sick days you’ve earned instead of pushing yourself to keep going in spite of that flu bug. Sometimes it takes a bit of absence to grease the wheels of two opposing forces, heat things up a little. But you won’t get paid while you are out on strike. Your employer might decide to take action against you, even though that would be illegal. You will have people on your own side who criticize you for taking a position. But at some point, if you are going to survive, you have to decide when enough is enough. When to walk out. When to shut down. When to try something different. Instead of watching the acrimonious exchange, the non-productive name calling, the boot licking, the tyranny of threat and intimidation, you have to decide to take a different action.

Maybe you focus your attention on putting your house in order or finding other people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the status quo and look for different ways to make life sane again. I just discovered that I can vote for those in my party who will be certified delegates to the next convention. Now this is something I should have known a long time ago. This is something that might make a difference in the next round of elections. Or maybe it won’t. But I registered to vote for those good folks. You can do it too, if you choose.

Yesterday, during the inauguration of our latest president, someone who is a convicted criminal, and completely self-serving, I made other choices rather than watching the ceremony. I had a good day. I went to lunch with my sweet husband, went shopping where I had never shopped before, where there was fresh produce from local growers, did some ironing, and watched some BBC telly. I am not ready to spend another four years riveted to the news. I know it will be complete chaos. Oh I’ll stay informed, but I won’t be beat by it.

Let’s all find ways to support each other over the next four years. Do the small things that matter locally. That’s where it all starts. Support your neighborhood council, or serve on one of the committees, run for a position on the board. It might be fun! I was on the board of mine for four years, and it was always interesting and often we made a difference for the people we represented. Write those letters whenever you feel the urge and write them often. Send those postcards. Walk away from that table where you know you can’t win, and find another one. Find one where there is room for you and your concerns. Maybe it will be online, maybe it will be in person. Or stay home and put your house in order. Making order close to home greases those wheels to make some order out there in the world. Make some new connections. But for all our sakes, let’s DO something! Here’s to supporting each other all along the way. And please, stay in touch.